I feel like I just...

I feel like I just... cried myself to sleep last night. Because every fiber of my being wants to be bulimic. But I don't

I feel like I just...

I feel like I just... cried myself to sleep last night.

You know you're a fucked

You know you're a fucked up person when you want to learn how to purge in order to become bulimic.

So... My car is in

So... My car is in repair so I'm not driving and so I decided that I'm going to fast for as long as I can get away with it.

Saving Grace

I've started dieting again. It's not really dieting though. It's restricting. I've pretty much failed two of the days, but it'll get better (or worse) depending on how you view it. For me, better. I know I shouldn't be doing it, I need to be strong in order to lead a company, but... I have to feel good with me. And this is how I'm going to do it. I have to have something to rely on, and controlling my weight, or attempting to, is all I can get away with anymore. I can't cut. It would have to be something absolutely dreadful in order for me to do that again. I just hope that nobody catches on. The only person I've allowed to know is my boy. And he's not happy about it, but he said he won't say anything. I think I told him that he's more than welcome to say something if it gets really bad. And if I start scaring myself I'll tell him again, it will be like... my saving grace. My saying something to remind him, it will be like a plea for help. Because I wouldn't be able to say it myself. I know that.

Well at least I haven't

Well at least I haven't gotten to the lying stage yet this year. I've been honest thus far about whether or not I've eaten.

*Happy Imbolc* :)

*Happy Imbolc* :)