Journaling

I've restarted my online diary and I've started another journal. I haven't had one in a while, not since my mom found mine talking about my S.I. I need it though, I need it to recover from S.I. and I want to recover from it. & I finally have the drive, inspiration, and courage to do it. A lot of that I've found through Make it or Break it's Payson Keeler and Kaylie Cruz. I'm a huge fan. But more of that I'm sure will come. Maybe a blog or two filled

Let's see...

So I just updated my online diary and now feel that it's about time I updated my blog. So, let's take a peek into my life the past few weeks.
Well, I've decided that I finally have the passion and courage to give up cutting and burning. Hopefully for real this time. I want it to be real. I started losing a little bit of weight again, I'm still in a healthy range though, so don't panic. I really decided that, I want to live. I don't want to die. & it's going to be a really long and hard road, but I'm prepared to take the steps to living.

For the first time...

For the first time in a long time, I sort of feel like a normal teenage girl :)

One a day

So for the past week it seems that I've been losing a pound a day. I lose one, maintain for another day and lose another. It seems to be going well. I hope I can keep it up or get even better... aka worse. I feel so good to be losing weight and my dad keeps encouraging me to go out & ride my bike, now that it's fixed again. He's a godsend, always fixing my bike. I will go for a ride tomorrow some time. I will lose more weight. I must. Every time I think of food I think, "food, sick & disgusting. Terrible. Bad." My friends and family would kill me if they knew, but I just want to be happy, thin, control something that seems controllable. I have to. I can't cut anymore either, for once in my life, I DON'T WANT TO. For me that's a landslide, it's a miracle. I don't want to cut anymore. I don't want to hurt my friends and family that way. I don't want to hurt the person I love that way anymore.

Thinspo

Stood there staring at a sign that said inspiration. Could've sworn it said thinspiration

Story time

Working on my story for the first time in a while. Nice and relaxing despite such a depressing & terrifying subject.

Recovery attempt

Wow it's been a while. I tried going into recovery and it worked fairly well for the month of May and some of April, one of my friends caught on & I promised I would try to get better. I have and I want to lose weight again. I'm scared, but I think I can do it and still be safer about it. I hope so at least. My goal weights are still the same and with it being summer, it will be harder to not eat until dinner, but it'll be easier to get out and exercise.